I’ve never been on a “date” before. In about 13 hours though, I’ll be in the middle of my first. I’m vaguely nervous and somewhat scared.

What should I wear? What will we say?

1:20pm Sunday

heart beating really really ferociously fast

It’s entitled: The Day I Tried to Make Myself Potstickers for Lunch and Set Off the Fire Alarm

I was accepted to their creative writing department!

happy

happy

happy

Is how I feel most days.. especially today. Tired, pointless, grey - though the weather outdoors is spectacular and though the shadows the blinds cast illuminate naked defenseless patterns on my paper (patterns that tease my mind, tickle my fancy, flirt with my conscience). I wish I could feel happy for you I wish I could feel pleasure at your achievements I wish I could look you in the eye and honestly tell you ‘congratulations’ ..but all I see is a sign of how far I’ve fallen how far I need to run to catch up and how far I am from achieving all that I desire and want and need. And the thoughts that plague my mind are dancing and twirling and spinning  out of control and I’m screaming

why? why is everything so damn far?

And still, I am Aimless.

Because that’s what we’re all living for, right?

I love drawing schedules/planning out my day. Lately they all look the same.

Game plan for 4/6/12:

• Before school: Shower, read APUSH notes/scan textbook, print essay RD
• 1st: Substitute, so study APUSH/Biology/Math
• 2nd: PE aka study APUSH/Biology/Math
• 3rd: APUSH test
• Brunch: Last minute Math studying
• 4th: Math test
• 5th: Biology essay
• Lunch: -break-
• 6th: Journalism
• 7th: Chinese (turn in late notebook)
• YOU ARE FREE! Just kidding: short nap, write a legitimate essay draft, intense Biology reading session,

sleep early and wake up early on Saturday to work.

I’m listening to the rain outside. It wasn’t there a minute ago and now suddenly it is. I’ve switched off all the lights, and pressed my nose against the screen until the midnight winds chilled me and blew my already wet hair into a mess of knots.

I’m sitting at my desk now, typing, a towel around my head, blankets around my shoulders and a mug to my left.

I’ve been drinking a lot of tea lately. Green tea; the cheap packets that come in a box (ct:500) from Costco.

If I look up through the window from where I’m sitting right now, the reflection of the glass makes it seem as if there are two moons in the sky: One round and normal, the other smaller and misshapen.

1Q84 on my mind.